The Interesting Problems With Hall Passes

Overview

A “Hall Pass” - for those not familiar with the term - is an agreement between partners in a monogamous relationship that a given partner would be allowed to have sex with one or more specific celebrities if the opportunity arose.

I was pondering this concept in the shower, and the more I considered it, the more interestingly problematic it became.

The Interesting Problems With Hall Passes

A Hall Pass is an acknowledgement that

• you or your partner find someone outside of your relationship sexually attractive.
• you or your partner would like to have sex with someone outside of your relationship.
• one partner craves something sexually that the other can’t provide.
• one partner is - theoretically - ok with the other partner having sex with someone outside their relationship.

Additionally Hall Passes are frequently discussed, and compared, publicly.

But, here’s where it gets interesting. Hall Passes are an exclusively monogamous concept^[1]. Monogamy is an agreement between two people to not have sex or romantic relationships with other people.

• It’s a cultural expectation that a monagamous person would get jealous if their partner made romantic or sexual advances towards another person.
• Sleeping with someone outside the relationship is not only a very common reason to dissolve the relationship, but if the couple is married it’s commonly a reason for a judge to defer to the person “cheated on” in matters of children and finances.
• Even if someone executed their Hall Pass with full consent, I suspect it would cause significant emotional problems within the relationship afterwards.

If you have granted your partner a Hall Pass, you are explicitly stating that you are a practitioner of Ethical Non-Monogamy. That means you are explicitly not monogamous. Furthermore, it means that your relationship with your partner is also explicitly non-monogamous.

Consequences

The consequences are socially interesting.

Anyone who professes to be monogamous but has also granted a Hall Pass is either lying about being monogamous OR lying about granting their partner that freedom. I’d encourage anyone who has granted their partner a Hall Pass to spend some time introspecting, and trying to honestly answer which case is true.

If you’re lying about the Hall Pass to your partner: Does your partner know you didn’t really mean it? Why did you think that was an acceptable thing to lie to them about knowing that it would seriously harm your relationship if they believed you and/or acted on it.

If you’re lying about being monogamous it opens up lot more questions.

• Have you publicly stated that (ethical) non-monogamy is bad / evil despite the fact that you’re non-monogamous?
• Why are you preventing yourself from receiving additional comfort, or love, or sexual enjoyment?
• Does your partner know? If not, will you tell them?
• Do you, or will you, publicly speak out in support of Ethical Non-monogamy so that other people like you can live their lives openly and proudly?

Anyone who has talked about their or their partner’s Hall Pass is publicly acknowledging their support of Ethical Non-monogamy. The concept of a “Hall Pass” is very popular in western culture, but western culture is also dominated by Christianity, which - despite the bible condoning it^[2] - is very against non-monogamous relationships. So, if you’re a Christian who has received or granted a Hall Pass, what does that mean regarding your relationship to your church and/or religion?