I hate Missouri. Unfortunately, it hates me back.
It was getting late but I just wanted to get the fuck out of Missouri. I could have stopped for gas but I was all “No, I’ve got another 20 miles before i need to look. Let’s get out of this state!” Unfortunately I’d forgotten that Missouri has notably higher speed limits than all the previous states, which means I’d been going notably faster and, it turns out it shortened my range by about 40 miles. My bike doesn’t have a fuel gauge, or even a fuel light. So, when it first ran out a few miles before escaping Missouri’s grasp, I didn’t think “oh, switch to reserve, find a gas station” I thought “WTF?!” but after a minute on the side of the road I figured it out, and threw the gas from my gas can into the tank. “Problem solved.” I thought.
But no. It wouldn’t start.
You see, my bike has this weirdness that’s somehow related to the many newb “safety features” that are currently driving me nuts. One of them is, if you have it in gear, or put it in gear, and the kickstand is down, it’ll stall the engine, so that you don’t drive with your kickstand. Unfortunately, I tend to pull to a stop, hold the clutch while still in first, then put down the kickstand… and stall the engine. This wouldn’t be a big deal, except it never starts after I do this. Push the starter button and nothing happens. So, you have to push start it. Essentially you push 400+ pounds of bike, gear, and fuel to a run, or at least a trot, throw it in gear, and hit the starter. Except I couldn’t get it to go.
Eventually this nice Army guy (Chris) I think, pulls over and gives me a hand. Long story short. We get it going, but end up doing it via a jump instead of a push (more newb safety features made us miserable). Chris says, everyone’s closed now, but I know this guy who’s probably still at his shop. We look it up on the phone, and off I go to see if he can do something about this bullshit. I miss it twice, but eventually get there.
He says, it’s this, this, or this, but I don’t have the parts and we’re about to go home, but this button on the kick stand sensor tends to get out of adjustment so let me twiddle it and see if that helps. So he does, and it doesn’t. The bike won’t start even though I didn’t fuck it up. Then, 5 minutes later on of his helpers tries starting it for the hell of it and it does. We decide I should just go to the next Kawasaki dealer tomorrow, tell him what the guy told me, and get them to fix it because they’ll have the parts, probably. So, I set off, except, it won’t start. But I manage to push start it.
I’ve turned it off twice since then, being very careful not to fuck up the kick stand thing, and neither time has it started. The second time was at the “American Motel” $44.95 (and up) per night, except tonight when it’s $49.95 (and up) + $5 that you’ll get back at checkout. Grr. I decided, that fuck a campground, I need internet, so I can more easily find the nearest Kawasaki dealer and download TomTom for the phone (can’t do it over edge or 3G) because AT&T sucks and sometimes it simply can’t get maps even though it has edge connection, and I rarely ever see 3G connections. I’m getting TomTom because it has the maps locally so that solves that problem, and I have had like 3 occasions now where I’m really close to something but need directions to get there and not miss it.
So, bike on the fritz, I’ll try and unadjust whatever he adjusted yesterday. Maybe that’ll get it back to its previous state, or maybe something is just dying. If I can’t get it started in the morning (should be able to there’s a nice little slope in the driveway here) I may just say fuck it, and have it towed to the nearest dealer.
In summary: Fucking Newb Protection Systems. Next time I’m doing this on an effing BMW if I can. Army dudes rock. Missouri sucks. Don’t let non-Kawasaki motorcycle dudes fuck with your Kawasaki.
Also, I’m hungry. I could order Pizza Hut to my room but I really don’t want it for some reason. I’ll have to make do with Odwalla Bars ‘till morning….maybe… i may give in and get Pizza Hut.
Posted via email from masukomi’s posterous