Once upon a time a group of friends gathered at a restaurant. We passed the time trying to devise the worst phonetic alphabet. One that, when heard, would do the best possible job of not successfully conveying the letters you were trying to communicate. This is what we came up with.

A aye
B bdellium (the b is silent)
C cent
D djin
E eye
F fore
G gnu
H heir
I I
J jicama
K know
L like
M mnemosyne
N no
O oops
P psalm
Q quatar (pronounced kutter)
R really
S sea
T two
U umm
V varies
W why
X xenomorph
Y Yes
Z zero

Example Usage (Say these out loud):

• no: “no oops”
• hair: “heir aye i really”
• salmon: “sea aye like mnomosyne oops no”
• rowan oak: “really ooops why eye no oops aye know”
• aisle: “aye i sea like eye”