Yesterday I saw a TikTok by a trans woman speaking up for herself, for all of us. In the face of fascist bigotry, she was proud, and strong, and defiant in all the best ways. She demonstrated that she’s exactly the kind of person everyone should strive to be.

Yesterday I saw someone on Mastodon positing that “If you’re wondering what you would have done during the holocaust, it’s whatever you’re doing right now.”

They’re right, but also… things aren’t the same. I’ve already written about the danger of showing your face at a protest. Right now, queer people need allies to stand up for us more than ever. It’s not just about having equal rights. It’s about not being thrown in concentration camps like we did to Japanese citizens when a US that was actively and publicly fighting fascism. Now the US is running head-first towards Nazi Party v2.0.

So, what am I doing right now?

I’m not doing what that amazing trans woman is doing. I’m staying home. I’m desperately trying to get bottom surgery before it stops being an option. I’m worrying about a repeat of Kristallnacht and past pogroms. I’m trying to get a foreign passport in case I have to flee this country. I’m checking lists of anti-trans laws before crossing state borders to see how dangerous Driving While Trans is. I’m not stepping beyond our borders, because coming back means federal agents looking at my passport, and possibly throwing me in the wrong prison for having a gender marker that matches the real me.

I’m hiding because I’m terrified of publicly standing up for myself. I’m afraid of even posting this, but I can’t say nothing. I need my trans cousins to know they need to take precautions if they’re going to protest. They need to be prepared to run. Those of us in places like Texas need to run. We have a tiny window where some states are still allowed to stand up and say “You’re welcome here”. Where we can be “safe” for a little while. Where we can find people who’ll help. Where we can not just be willing to run, but be prepared to run. Where we can pick a direction to head. Where we can pack a Go Bag.

I want to be left alone in my cozy house where my anxiety isn’t trying to give me panic attacks¹, where the daily rituals allow me to live comfortably with my autism. I want to be able to pee in rest stops and stores without fearing some self-entitled TERF is going to call the cops on me. I want to be able to walk in public without worrying about Nazi wannabes beating me to death. I want to know that if I get in a car accident the paramedics won’t watch me bleed to death on the side of the road instead of helping. I want to be able to get the hormones that keep me feeling “right” with myself.

I don’t want to be sent to mens prison where I’ll be raped while guards look the other way. I don’t want to be put in a concentration camp. I don’t want to have to run from my home, or hide from bombs like my Jewish ancestors did.

Right now, I’m speaking publicly on social media, which may be a terrible idea, but I know how much representation matters. I know what it means to know there are people like me out there. I know what it meant for an 18 year old me to see someone like me on TV and be able to give a name to the things I was feeling.

It’s not much, but it’s what I can do.

What are you doing? Is it enough? If not, can you do more, or get someone to help where you can’t?

If you’re trans, are you somewhere safe, with people who have your back? If not, run. Run now. They are coming.