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Java: The Mediocre Date

I’ve been programming in Java professionally for years now, and while I’ve become good at it, it’s never grown into a language I’ve been passionate about. It’s powerful, has tons of good libraries and tools but… It’s like going out on a nice date with someone but having no desire to ask them out for a second. You wouldn’t mind another dinner with them, and since you’ve got a common circle of friends you probably will, but you’re never going to get the butterflies in the tummy when you think about seeing them again. I’ve met a lot of people who’ve been out on a date with Java, and so far none of them seem to have tummy butterflies either.

Veritable religious wars break out over languages like Python, Perl, and Ruby, even C++ has it’s zealots but Java? People use Java because it’s stable, it’s got good tools, it can scale, and when you mention it to your customers they’ve heard of it and can nod as if they have a clue. Java is the Big Blue of languages. “Nobody ever got fired for choosing IBM.” they would say. People learn Java because they can get jobs in it. People learn Ruby because she’s hot, and when you start fooling around she makes some incredible noises.

I’m sure Java and I will keep having dinners together but we both know it’s just business. In the meantime I’m going to see about getting another date with that Perl chick. Everyone else has written her off like Hermione, because of her frizzy hair. But I know the truth. She’s gorgeous when she wants to be and under all that frizz lies a dam sexy brain.